if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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