I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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