Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
