he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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