I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
