And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
