She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
ttyl tear gas
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
