And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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