can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I look better un-naked...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
