i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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