You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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