I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
