i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
