Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
