I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
