Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
