He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
