I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
