Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
