My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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