my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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