someone threw a dead crab at me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
