somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize