I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have fence marks all over my body
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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