Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
