Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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