I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
