i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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