She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
