9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
