he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
