i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
