You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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