Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
