i barfeds in our rink
People in love make me want to vomit
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
