Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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