its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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