i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
