I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
