I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
