i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
