craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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