You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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