You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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