I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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