I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
