Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
