I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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