He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
