so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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