can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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