Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize