If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
