i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
