Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
