no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
