Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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