Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
