i wish peter jackson would direct porn
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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