I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
