The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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