And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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