finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
