she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
