running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
