Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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