If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
