Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
