the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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