When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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