she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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