I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
