if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
