Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize