How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
