I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
