So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
