Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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