my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
