Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
