i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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