Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
